Thursday, November 6, 2008

Rumble at Kavaroots

Ok, so most of you may know that I work at a quiet, peaceful and serene smoothie shop up on the North Shore. People come from all over the island to partake of our oh so scrumptious Acai Bowls. So you can just imagine my surprise when these two (excuse my lack of a better word) faggots come and start a fight in my store!!!

I was sitting at the counter, engulfed in a game of Text Twist, when a hear what sounds like someone falling down the stairs. When I stand up to see what's going on, I see a local guy, around the age of 40 running up the stairs and into the store, with another local guy, about my age chasing after him. At first I didn't think it was anything, just some guys acting stupid, but then the younger guy, we'll call him Bob, starts calling out the older guy, his name is Johnny. All that came to my mind was, "are you freaking serious?" YES, they were. Before I could do anything, Bob starts swinging at Johnny, who mind you, is wearing a cast on his arm! So, my initial reaction...scream and yell at them to take it outside!!!

Bob gets in a couple of swings with our trash can cover, (which he broke) as I come around the counter to attempt to stop the madness. So, I grab the first thing I find, a broom! Hahahaha...yes, a broom, and I start yelling at them to stop and get out. Bob stops as his friends run in to grab him and they go outside. And he's like, "sorry eh Aunty, but you better tell that &*$%* to watch his back." And I'm thinking, oh heck no! First of all, you are the same age as me, so I don't know who you calling Aunty!

ME (to Bob): Get the hell out of my store and take this somewhere else. And where the hell is my trash can cover?!

BOB: Sorry Aunty. The cover stay inside. Here, I get 'em for you.

He comes inside and starts yelling at Johnny again, reaches for the trash can cover, which is like two feet away from Johnny, and then he starts wailing it at Johnny AGAIN!!! What the heck?! I don't know what came over me, but I ran, and grabbed Bob by the shirt, and yanked him off of Johnny and threw him out the door. Talk about Barbella!!! I just didn't want them to break anything in the store, because mind you, there are a ton of glass displays in the store. But they did manage to knock down a few plants, and some of the merchandise that was on the shelves. I was pissed! Bob leaves and walks across the street.

ME (to Johnny): GET THE HELL OUT OF MY STORE!!!! Look at what you faggots did!

JOHNNY: I aint going out there. He get all his friends, and they goin' mob me. You gotta call the cops.

ME: I don't care WHAT they do to you...I just don't want it in my store, so get OUT!

He would not get out, so again, I grab the broom and start pushing him in the back, OUT of the store. Hahaha. Yes, like how you see in the movies. He would not move! So I tell him, "I got knives in the kitchen, and I aint afraid to use 'em, so you better get the hell out!!!"

So he leaves, I call the police, and start cleaning up. Mind you, some customers just walked up to the window while all of this was going on. So, after I clean up, I take their order, and I see Johnny sitting outside on our stairs, STILL calling out Bob, who's across the street in the parking lot with his friends. One of the customers was like, "why is he doing that?" And I think to myself, for real?! What an idiot...he's just asking for it. Then next thing you know, Johnny comes running back in the store!!!

Bob is swinging at him, misses, and they both fall on our glass bookshelf right next to the door. Glass flies everywhere! They get up, and start coming towards me. The broom is gone, so I grab the mop. I come from around the counter and start hitting BOTH of them with the mop. Bob is like, "oh yeah, give me the mop, give me the mop." I was like, "heck no....get the hell out!" Then I get in the middle to break it up, and something, I don't know what (a fist, a mop, an elbow?) hits me in the head. Pissed me off even more. I grab Bob's shirt, since he was wearing one, and throw him out AGAIN! His friends, who if you ask me, are another group of slow idiots, come and take him across the street.

JOHNNY: Did you see that? Did you see that HE attacked ME?!

ME: You're the idiot that kept provoking them, so good for you. Now this is the last time I'm gonna tell you, GET OUT! I already called the cops, and they're on their way!!!!

Johnny must've cut himself on the broken glass, cause there was blood everywhere. I locked the door so that wouldn't happen again, and went back to helping those customers. I took their orders, and made their bowls. When I realized Johnny and Bob were gone, I opened the door and started cleaning the shop. Then the customers were like, "is it ok if we eat inside?!" Who does that?! Why would they wanna stay after seeing all of that. And what irritated me even more was that two of them were GUYS, and they just stood there while they watched me defend my store!!! Freaking mahu's! Aaarrgggghhh!!!! And then, none of them offer to help me clean up! But whatever. was quite an eventful day at Kavaroots yesterday. I swear this kinda stuff only happens when I'm working. I already told my bosses that we need a BB gun, cuz the broom and the mop just weren't as effective. Next time, if there ever is a next time, I'll just shoot them! Hahahaha!


Alexis said...

dang ui...remind me never to fight in your store.

Line said...

LOL LOL LOL! I was rooolling the entire time I read this cause I can just imagine you attacking those guys! Hahahahahahaha... Freccin TIDA, you're so Kanaks! Hahahahahahaha... If I owned a store, you'd be the first person I'd hire because then I know all my glass and personal items will be protected by you! Hahahahahahaha, I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying! LOL!

iMaLLheaRt said...

dang! That is hecka funny! I sure as heck wouldn't have done what you did! You're really brave and man those guys who didn't help you! geez!! glad you're good! Did the police help at all?

hine.T said...

LMAO! You go girl! That was too funny, and pretty soon jus dose 'em with da damn broom. You should've took those fools names down so you can send 'em da bill. Damn MAHUz (including the 2 males - as I refrain from calling dem men - already in da store)! LMAO!

daveandsavani said...

you are hilarious. only you can fight with a broom and mop and than go and help your customers. lol!! you should be employee of the month! haha. i love it!

**** said...

hi aunty, u have been nominated for the 'i love your blog' award. grand prize is a free acai bowl. LOL!!! k well ill try buy more acai bowls so i can help you guys invest in a bb gun ;)

NeenaLove said...

awwww.... **frowning face** ....too much apathy in this world.

i didn't think it was funny at all but i'm glad everyone else saw the humour.

so can we get a follow-up on what the police officer said?!

curious minds!!!

Johnson Family said...

Ui!! That was great! As I kept reading I was wondering, "is this story going to end soon?" hahaha...just joking. I really enjoyed reading all about your superwoman tactics and am glad that you weren't seriously hurt!! I wish I was there to see it though. Don't worry, I wouldn't jumped in to defend you unlike your 2 mahu customers!! LOL

Ana Eileen said...

Dang Sas!!! DRAMA!!!! LMAO!!! What a great read, you are so freakin awesome! What idiots! Man, they better never show their face at KavaRootz again! Freak! But way to handle the situation =) I'm glad we're friends! Cause I'd hate to be on the receiving end of the broom, mop, and elbow! Stupid mahus didn't know they were messin with an official MUSICBOXER lol =)

Lu said...

i am soooo scared of you! lol the funny thing is, i can totally picture you pushing the guy out with the broom! you deserve a raise for this one! :D