Tuesday, March 22, 2011

my favorite place

sunday breaks after church
easy walks to think about the day
digging holes in the sand
sand castles
playing in the rain
playing in the mud
walking the dogs
late night jam sessions
catch phrase after being kicked out of the house for making too much noise
(ie pono jumping up and down waking everybody up)
getting stuck in the sand
meditation moments

these are just a few of the things that make this my favorite place....

my fears

as far as i can remember...i've always been afraid of heights. i don't know why, but every time i found myself higher than 6 ft, the worse possible scenarios seem to flood my mind. if we're on the 15th floor of a hotel, i would imagine the guard rail on the balcony becoming loose, and me falling to my tragic death. gruesome...i know...but for some odd reason, stuff like this always freaked me out. but i always faced it head on. whether it be trusting myself to take that extra step towards the edge, or going on that amusement park ride that pushes the limit. but....i wouldn't describe this as being my biggest fear. my biggest fear can be summed up in one word....loneliness.

having been brought up in the lds church, i have always been taught the principle of eternal families. and i've never fully understood that concept until a member of my eternal family left our earthly home. when it happened...people would tell me..."don't worry...you'll see him again," or "thank goodness for eternal families and Heavenly Father's plan." so of course i was comforted then knowing that i would see him again. however...eternal families are dependent on living a worthy life here on earth. so the thoughts begin to race in my mind again....what if i don't live up to my part? what if he didn't live up to his? what if i screw up and never see him again? what if i never see my family again? because to me...losing my family and being all alone is my biggest fear.

but...just like i face my fear of heights...i have to face this head on by working towards living a worthy life. unfortunately, i'm currently not on the path i should be on...mostly because i miss out on church and various church activities. but i've come to accept that i'm simply a work in progress.